So last fall I received on of my favorite calls ever. A tenant, male about age 20 who we will call Bob, calls to tell me his hot water heater has stopped working. Perfectly normal call you would think, but as always, my genius tenant kept it interesting. Here is the basic conversation:.
Bob: My water furnace has stopped working.
Me: Your what?
Bob: My water furnace. You know the thing that heats my water. (said as rudely as possible)
Me: Oh, Your water heater? (said as nicely as I could handle without actually just laughing out loud at him)
Bob: Sure, whatever, my water heater.
Me: I can put in a work order but since it is the weekend I am not sure how long it will take me to get some one there.
Bob: Well I need some one to come right now. I called my brother and he says the pie light is most likely out and I think there is gas leaking into my loft and I'm worried that it is dangerous.
Me: (After putting the phone on mute so I could get a grip from the laughter) Well I think you mean pilot light not pie light. And your water heater is actually electric so there would not be gas leaking out. I am guessing you have just thrown a breaker and if I could walk you through it, you could probably reset it yourself. I will still put in a work order and have it checked out, but I could at least get you some hot water in the mean time.
Bob: Look, I understand how these things work. You will not trick me into thinking there is not gas in my loft. This is dangerous. I am going to call the authorities and tell them you are allowing us to live in a dangerous environment.
Me: I can give you the number for city utilities if you would like to call them and tell them your electric water heater is leaking gas. You can call me back after you call them I can gladly walk you through how to check the breakers.
Bob: I am not touching the electricity box. I am not getting electrocuted.
Me: You will not get electrocuted but checking the breaker box.
Bob: Why can't you just send someone to deal with this?? I pay a lot of money to live here and this is ridiculous. (He was behind on rent and had insane amounts of late fees, and fines from trashing the building during an obnoxious party)
Me: I said I would put in a work order I was just trying to help you get it resolved quicker.
Bob: I really feel like I should just contact my attorney. This is ridiculous that you won't fix it.
Me: Again, I said I could put in a work order, but it is Saturday. And cold water isn't an emergency so I am not sure how long you would have to wait for someone to get there.
Bob: I want it fixed within the hour or I am calling my dad. (again this is a 20 year old male)
Me: Please call him and give him my number. I would love to talk to you dad about the pie light on your water furnace. (by this time I had put on my shoes and left to drive down to the apartment to flip the breaker for him)
Bob: Are you mocking me.
Me: Of course not I am just trying to help you understand that you can fix it yourself very easily without waiting for someone to come.
Bob: F*&k you. (hangs up phone)
2 minutes later as I am driving to the apartment he calls back
Bob: I just wanted you to know I have left a message with the gas department. I think you should be expecting their call (they called, we laughed)
Me: I will gladly speak to them when they call (by this time I am being as overly nice as I can just to irritate him) Also, I am on my way to your apartment to fix the issue myself so that you don't have to wait for hot water.
Bob: I don't want you to come. I want you to do your f*&king job and call a professional.
Me: It is me or it could be until Monday.
Bob: This place is a sham. (hangs up)
I arrive to the apartment. I knock, no one answers so I let myself in. They are just sitting on the couch watching TV.
Me: I am going to fix your water heater.
Bob: If you ruin anything you will f*&king pay for it.
Me: I believe the response you were looking for was 'thank you for getting out on a Saturday to fix something I could have fixed myself'
Bob: You are such a bitch.
Me: I try
I open the closet with the breaker box and none of them have tripped. I open the closet with the water heater in it and try to call him over to show him where the water heater has it's own second breaker separate from the main box. He refuses to come because he doesn't want to breath in all the gas the electric water furnace is leaking from the pie light.
I flip the breaker, the water heater kicks on. I let them know they are back in business. He flips me off. 5 minutes later his dad calls and I basically have the same convo with his dad about gas leaking into the loft. I explain to the dad the water heater is electric and after a minute of silence, his dad says: My son is a moron. I hope he wasn't too rude. Me: nothing I can't handle. Have a nice day.
This was about 3 months after I started working for this company. I was 90% sure I was getting punked. Turns out this kid really was that dumb. Oh how I fear for our futures.
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