Well I have been back for 30 days. So far it hasn't been too bad. A few idiots. But nothing out of control yet. Here are some updates from the last month:
I had some girls in my office to sign a lease for next year and it was Halloween week. They were so hungover they could barely function. Questionably still intoxicated. As I am entering all their info into our system one of them starts crying. I tried to ignore it but she was slowly starting to freak out. I finally asked if she was ok. Apparently in her hungover/still drunk haze she added her mom to a group text and then sent pictures of herself wasted and dressed like a slutty cop in some not so classy poses. Her mom was paying her $500 deposit for her apartment for next year. I am guessing that her mom was super proud and super glad that she coughed up that cash for her daughter to continue living the drunk college life next year. A little advice: STOP DOCUMENTING ALL YOUR IDIOCY!!!!!!!!
I have some tenants who installed a basketball hoop. (They have 20 foot ceilings and hardwood floors so I kind of understand. I mean it's not ok, but how cool would that have been in college??) But they like to play basketball in their living room in the afternoons. They man who lives above them is not a college kid. (Why he wanted to live in a well known college kid filled area, I don't know.) Well the ball bouncing is extremely loud. So this man complains daily. I get it. But come on. He will text me 10 times in a row. So now almost daily I have to tell 22 year old young men to stop bouncing a ball in the house because the 40 year old man who lives above them tattled on them and is throwing a tantrum. How is this my real life?
I will say that many of my previous tenants that still live here seem genuinely happy that I am back. I might be stern but I get stuff done. And I think they appreciate how hard I really work for them a little bit more now. We will see how long it lasts.
Thursday, November 19, 2015
Monday, November 2, 2015
It Was All Lies
So with in 24 hours of that last post where I swore I would be better things just got crazy. The person who owned the properties I worked for called and made me some pretty sweet offers. So I'm back babysitting the idiots. I'm a sucker. What can I say.
I've been back for three weeks and let me tell you, they still keep it pretty interesting. In three weeks I've had drunk girls crying, crazy parties, and already a visit from the fire marshal. I'm not regretting my decision to come back. I was a bit out of sorts and apparently I'm good at this job. I am however questioning my sanity for agreeing to come back. Wish me luck and wait for it....
Wednesday, September 9, 2015
The Stories are Coming . . .
So I quit my job in February. It was a crazy spur of the moment decision that followed a fortuitous and very random meeting at the post office. I bumped into a family friend who was looking for someone new for their finance department. It took a total of 2 days to make up my mind to apply for the job. An awful, idiot filled 2 days. They broke me. The Idiots of Idiotville broke me. I handed in my two weeks and took what I thought would be the most magical job I had ever had.
I was going to work for our local Community Foundation. How could a building filled with people whose only goal in life was to help raise and manage money for charity not be the most magical place on earth? Well for the most part I found it to be a pretty spectacular place. But just maybe not the place for me. I floundered a bit there. I couldn't quite catch my stride and find my place in the fold. So after 4 months I left the Community Foundation.
I have spent the summer enjoying my children and trying to make some choices about our future. At first it was pretty delightful. Time with the kids. Time for myself. No crazy tenants. What could possible go wrong? Well how about everything. But I will get into all those fun stories later!
After a series of disappointments and disasters I was falling down into a funk. My house was a mess. My parenting skills were not at their finest level. I think that after three years of managing the morons I have actually lost my ability to function on a normal level. (Possibly the reason I struggled at the new job. That I will never know.) So I have had to set new goals for myself. Sometimes they are just small daily goals such as I will put on real pants today. Sometimes they are bigger goals where I promise myself that I will not assume the worst in all humans today as not all humans are idiots. But usually it falls somewhere in between.
Today I woke up and decided it was time to really get my shit together and accomplish some of these goals. Today is the day I am getting up and getting out of this funk. I am on a mission. First thing on the list, start writing again. It makes me feel better. Partly because, if I were being completely honest, I mildly enjoy mocking others but mostly because I feel like just getting it all out is better than keeping it all in. Basically this is my way of warning you to be ready. The stories are coming. And lots of them. I have 6 months worth of insanity to catch up on and a daily life full of ridiculousness that I am more than happy to share. So brace yourselves... This is happening.
I was going to work for our local Community Foundation. How could a building filled with people whose only goal in life was to help raise and manage money for charity not be the most magical place on earth? Well for the most part I found it to be a pretty spectacular place. But just maybe not the place for me. I floundered a bit there. I couldn't quite catch my stride and find my place in the fold. So after 4 months I left the Community Foundation.
I have spent the summer enjoying my children and trying to make some choices about our future. At first it was pretty delightful. Time with the kids. Time for myself. No crazy tenants. What could possible go wrong? Well how about everything. But I will get into all those fun stories later!
After a series of disappointments and disasters I was falling down into a funk. My house was a mess. My parenting skills were not at their finest level. I think that after three years of managing the morons I have actually lost my ability to function on a normal level. (Possibly the reason I struggled at the new job. That I will never know.) So I have had to set new goals for myself. Sometimes they are just small daily goals such as I will put on real pants today. Sometimes they are bigger goals where I promise myself that I will not assume the worst in all humans today as not all humans are idiots. But usually it falls somewhere in between.
Today I woke up and decided it was time to really get my shit together and accomplish some of these goals. Today is the day I am getting up and getting out of this funk. I am on a mission. First thing on the list, start writing again. It makes me feel better. Partly because, if I were being completely honest, I mildly enjoy mocking others but mostly because I feel like just getting it all out is better than keeping it all in. Basically this is my way of warning you to be ready. The stories are coming. And lots of them. I have 6 months worth of insanity to catch up on and a daily life full of ridiculousness that I am more than happy to share. So brace yourselves... This is happening.
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
Pee-gate 2014
Today began with an insane text about a neighbors friend peeing on her truck. Not the tire. He climbed up onto the rear bumper and peed into the bed of the truck. She was kind enough to send me a picture of the person peeing. She did not take the picture. Her drunk neighbor took it and snapchatted it to her thinking it was funny. She took a screen shot and texted it to me. I just can't believe this is a conversation I was having. She wanted me to handle it for her. Her truck was not parked on our property at the time of the peeing incident so I told her there was nothing I could do. There would really be nothing I could do even if it was.
How do semi grown people behave this way. I mean really? I understand being a man and how joyful it must be to just pee wherever you want. But that is just gross and rude. I had another tenant who insisted on peeing on his neighbors front door when he is wasted. He ended up getting evicted. But not even for that. I just don't get it. I say it over and over, but I really don't understand. What is the point?? I had a friend growing up that was a bit of a nerd and the jocks used to open his door and pee on his floor boards. These were 16 year old idiots and jerks doing this in the early 90's. The pee-er from this morning is a 24 year old young adult. How does he not know how to behave by now?????
The very fact that I have to have conversations like this is completely nuts. It makes me feel like I babysit 500 drunk toddler hillbillies. Craziness.
How do semi grown people behave this way. I mean really? I understand being a man and how joyful it must be to just pee wherever you want. But that is just gross and rude. I had another tenant who insisted on peeing on his neighbors front door when he is wasted. He ended up getting evicted. But not even for that. I just don't get it. I say it over and over, but I really don't understand. What is the point?? I had a friend growing up that was a bit of a nerd and the jocks used to open his door and pee on his floor boards. These were 16 year old idiots and jerks doing this in the early 90's. The pee-er from this morning is a 24 year old young adult. How does he not know how to behave by now?????
The very fact that I have to have conversations like this is completely nuts. It makes me feel like I babysit 500 drunk toddler hillbillies. Craziness.
Friday, November 14, 2014
:-)
Today, since it is the middle of the month, I have been working on contacting all people who are behind on their rent. Here is a sampling of some of my favorite responses:
Tenant: My mother pays my rent you will need to contact her. (This person is 24 years old)
Me: It is your name on the lease, you are responsible.
Tenant: I don't care, she pays it, you need to call her.
Me: I am not calling your mother, you need to pay your rent or we will need to begin the eviction process.
Tenant: How can you evict me? It is her fault the rent isn't paid????
Seriously. Not his fault. Not his responsibility. Not his problem. Future politician? I think so.
This next one is a four bedroom, and I texted all tenants, and this is the group text:
Tenant a: So did everyone not pay or just one person? (Does she not know if she paid her own rent??)
Me: Just one person. I looked up your account and it is 'tenant b'
Tenant b: No I paid my rent. I know I did.
Me: I am not showing it on your account. Did you pay cash or check? I will gladly try to look it up by receipt number. (I have no problems doing this for people as 1 out of 100 times it is an error on our end. But only 1 out of 100. The other 99 it is because they just didn't pay it)
Tenant b: I don't know how I paid it. Why can't you look it up and see?
Me: I did look it up. According to our accounting, you didn't pay.
Tenant c: But if she paid why can't you see it??
Me: (trying not to stab myself in the eye) I can't see it because there is nothing there to see.
Tenant a: But she says she did pay, so why can't you just figure out what you did with the payment.
Tenant b: I am not paying it twice.
Tenant c: This is ridiculous.
Me: If you can just show me a receipt that says you paid, or a copy of a cashed check I can see if it was applied to the wrong place, otherwise, you will have to pay the missing rent. (at this point I am trying not to be mean. But this girl has obviously not paid and just doesn't want her roommates to know)
Tenant b: I am just going to call my dad. You will be hearing from him, shortly. This is stupid. You can't make me pay double rent.
Tenant c: I am also call my mom. I feel like you are trying to steal from us.
Tenant a: If you want me to call my dad as well girls just let me know.
Me: Give your parents my number, I will gladly talk to them.
Five minute pause. . . .
Tenant b: My mom says she forgot to mail the check this month. I will bring it by today.
Me: Thank you for checking (idiot). The late fee as of today is $$.
Tenant b: Why do I have to pay a late fee. My mom just forgot. How can you charge us a late fee for that?
Me: Rent is due the first. Today is the 14th. No exceptions.
Tenant b: I am paying my rent but not the late fee.
Me: It will go on your account. When you pay it is up to you. It will come out of your deposit in the end.
Tenant a: Just her portion of the deposit right?
Me: No. The total deposit.
Tenant a: She will pay the late fee.
Tenant b: No I won't.
Pause . . . .
Tenant b: I will bring the total by later today.
20 minute pause . . . .
Tenant d: So who didn't pay their rent? Do I need to call my mom?
Somebody just put me out of my misery. I beg you.
But my favorite:
Me: Reminder you still owe November rent.
Tenant: I know. I don't care. You will get it when you get it. Good luck. :-)
I think it was the smiley face that did it for me. What does that even mean????????????
Tenant: My mother pays my rent you will need to contact her. (This person is 24 years old)
Me: It is your name on the lease, you are responsible.
Tenant: I don't care, she pays it, you need to call her.
Me: I am not calling your mother, you need to pay your rent or we will need to begin the eviction process.
Tenant: How can you evict me? It is her fault the rent isn't paid????
Seriously. Not his fault. Not his responsibility. Not his problem. Future politician? I think so.
This next one is a four bedroom, and I texted all tenants, and this is the group text:
Tenant a: So did everyone not pay or just one person? (Does she not know if she paid her own rent??)
Me: Just one person. I looked up your account and it is 'tenant b'
Tenant b: No I paid my rent. I know I did.
Me: I am not showing it on your account. Did you pay cash or check? I will gladly try to look it up by receipt number. (I have no problems doing this for people as 1 out of 100 times it is an error on our end. But only 1 out of 100. The other 99 it is because they just didn't pay it)
Tenant b: I don't know how I paid it. Why can't you look it up and see?
Me: I did look it up. According to our accounting, you didn't pay.
Tenant c: But if she paid why can't you see it??
Me: (trying not to stab myself in the eye) I can't see it because there is nothing there to see.
Tenant a: But she says she did pay, so why can't you just figure out what you did with the payment.
Tenant b: I am not paying it twice.
Tenant c: This is ridiculous.
Me: If you can just show me a receipt that says you paid, or a copy of a cashed check I can see if it was applied to the wrong place, otherwise, you will have to pay the missing rent. (at this point I am trying not to be mean. But this girl has obviously not paid and just doesn't want her roommates to know)
Tenant b: I am just going to call my dad. You will be hearing from him, shortly. This is stupid. You can't make me pay double rent.
Tenant c: I am also call my mom. I feel like you are trying to steal from us.
Tenant a: If you want me to call my dad as well girls just let me know.
Me: Give your parents my number, I will gladly talk to them.
Five minute pause. . . .
Tenant b: My mom says she forgot to mail the check this month. I will bring it by today.
Me: Thank you for checking (idiot). The late fee as of today is $$.
Tenant b: Why do I have to pay a late fee. My mom just forgot. How can you charge us a late fee for that?
Me: Rent is due the first. Today is the 14th. No exceptions.
Tenant b: I am paying my rent but not the late fee.
Me: It will go on your account. When you pay it is up to you. It will come out of your deposit in the end.
Tenant a: Just her portion of the deposit right?
Me: No. The total deposit.
Tenant a: She will pay the late fee.
Tenant b: No I won't.
Pause . . . .
Tenant b: I will bring the total by later today.
20 minute pause . . . .
Tenant d: So who didn't pay their rent? Do I need to call my mom?
Somebody just put me out of my misery. I beg you.
But my favorite:
Me: Reminder you still owe November rent.
Tenant: I know. I don't care. You will get it when you get it. Good luck. :-)
I think it was the smiley face that did it for me. What does that even mean????????????
The Blame Game
There has been a rash of car break ins in the town where I live. Three cars just on our properties in the last couple weeks. But about 25 cars city wide according to the news. But of course the 3 on our properties were blamed on us. One kid even threatened to call his attorney if we didn't pay to have his windshield replaced. One girl informed me that her dad would be calling us because it was absurd that we wouldn't just let her park in the garage (which is limited spaces for lease only) for free. She informed me that it was our fault that her car was broke into because we didn't have someone monitoring the lot 24 hours a day.
Sometimes when I am having these conversations with people I have to ask myself how is this my life? How did I become a babysitter for the idiots of idiotville??
These people don't even think to call the police and file a report. They jump right to 'let's yell at our land lord for something that has absolutely nothing to do with her.' Because that is the logical thing to do.
I understand these things happened on our property. But we did not do it. Criminals did. I am not sure how many more times I can get blamed for things that are not my fault. It is exhausting.
Sometimes when I am having these conversations with people I have to ask myself how is this my life? How did I become a babysitter for the idiots of idiotville??
These people don't even think to call the police and file a report. They jump right to 'let's yell at our land lord for something that has absolutely nothing to do with her.' Because that is the logical thing to do.
I understand these things happened on our property. But we did not do it. Criminals did. I am not sure how many more times I can get blamed for things that are not my fault. It is exhausting.
Monday, November 3, 2014
My good old bestie!
I have been so busy with work I have not been able to share in a while. Don't worry, it doesn't mean they have stopped being idiots. Just this morning my BFF the fire marshal stopped in for a visit. Apparently my lovely tenants in one of my buildings decided to all get together to celebrate Halloween. . . with about 1300 of their closest friends. 1300. in a building that about 65 people live in. That is insane. They have ripped down exit signs and lights and broken doors. Holes in the walls. The fire marshal was kind enough to share with me that when they got there the under aged drinkers were worried they would get caught with alcohol so they just dumped out their cocktails on the floor. On the floor. Who do they think cleans up?????
He also had to visit another building where only 11 people live. He said they cleared out a few hundred from that party. And the kid who answered the door was so belligerent and rude he basically told the marshal and the police to F%^# off. He would do whatever he felt liked. That is always a good idea. Let's be rude to the police. That should help out my situation.
This fire marshal informed that at lease two of the other marshals that work in this area will be stopping by with more info on the parties they broke up.
What ever happened to going to bars??? Is the house party making a come back? Because the house party is alive and well here in this lovely town of mine.
He also had to visit another building where only 11 people live. He said they cleared out a few hundred from that party. And the kid who answered the door was so belligerent and rude he basically told the marshal and the police to F%^# off. He would do whatever he felt liked. That is always a good idea. Let's be rude to the police. That should help out my situation.
This fire marshal informed that at lease two of the other marshals that work in this area will be stopping by with more info on the parties they broke up.
What ever happened to going to bars??? Is the house party making a come back? Because the house party is alive and well here in this lovely town of mine.
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