:-)

Today, since it is the middle of the month, I have been working on contacting all people who are behind on their rent.  Here is a sampling of some of my favorite responses:

Tenant: My mother pays my rent you will need to contact her. (This person is 24 years old)
Me:  It is your name on the lease, you are responsible. 
Tenant:  I don't care, she pays it, you need to call her.
Me:  I am not calling your mother, you need to pay your rent or we will need to begin the eviction process.
Tenant:  How can you evict me? It is her fault the rent isn't paid????

Seriously.  Not his fault.  Not his responsibility.  Not his problem.  Future politician?  I think so.

This next one is a four bedroom, and I texted all tenants, and this is the group text:

Tenant a:  So did everyone not pay or just one person? (Does she not know if she paid her own rent??)
Me: Just one person.  I looked up your account and it is 'tenant b'
Tenant b:  No I paid my rent.  I know I did.
Me: I am not showing it on your account.  Did you pay cash or check?  I will gladly try to look it up by receipt number.  (I have no problems doing this for people as 1 out of 100 times it is an error on our end.  But only 1 out of 100.  The other 99 it is because they just didn't pay it)
Tenant b:  I don't know how I paid it.  Why can't you look it up and see?
Me:  I did look it up. According to our accounting, you didn't pay.
Tenant c: But if she paid why can't you see it??
Me: (trying not to stab myself in the eye) I can't see it because there is nothing there to see. 
Tenant a:  But she says she did pay, so why can't you just figure out what you did with the payment.
Tenant b:  I am not paying it twice.
Tenant c:  This is ridiculous.
Me: If you can just show me a receipt that says you paid, or a copy of a cashed check I can see if it was applied to the wrong place, otherwise, you will have to pay the missing rent.  (at this point I am trying not to be mean.  But this girl has obviously not paid and just doesn't want her roommates to know)
Tenant b:  I am just going to call my dad.  You will be hearing from him, shortly.  This is stupid.  You can't make me pay double rent.
Tenant c:  I am also call my mom.  I feel like you are trying to steal from us.
Tenant a: If you want me to call my dad as well girls just let me know. 
Me:  Give your parents my number, I will gladly talk to them. 

Five minute pause. . . .

Tenant b:  My mom says she forgot to mail the check this month.  I will bring it by today. 
Me:  Thank you for checking (idiot).  The late fee as of today is $$.
Tenant b: Why do I have to pay a late fee.  My mom just forgot.  How can you charge us a late fee for that?
Me: Rent is due the first. Today is the 14th. No exceptions.
Tenant b: I am paying my rent but not the late fee. 
Me:  It will go on your account.  When you pay it is up to you.  It will come out of your deposit in the end.
Tenant a:  Just her portion of the deposit right?
Me:  No. The total deposit.
Tenant a: She will pay the late fee.
Tenant b: No I won't.

Pause . . . .

Tenant b:  I will bring the total by later today.

20 minute pause . . . .

Tenant d: So who didn't pay their rent?  Do I need to call my mom?

Somebody just put me out of my misery.  I beg you.

But my favorite:

Me:  Reminder you still owe November rent.
Tenant:  I know.  I don't care.  You will get it when you get it. Good luck. :-)

I think it was the smiley face that did it for me.  What does that even mean????????????