Wow

Holy Crap.  I feel like I should call the crazy wagon to pick up the parent I just spoke to.  Wait for it.

A woman we shall refer to as Satan for this story, called me earlier and left a message wanting some information on her sons lease that she just co-signed.  I returned her call a few minutes ago, and let me tell you it has been an interesting 10 minutes in my life.

Ring ring ring. . .

Satan: Hi there Jane, I need a bit of information regarding this lease.  I need to know where to send it (the address is listed on the front page) and I just had a few questions about that actual unit they will be living in since I haven't seen it yet.

Me:  Absolutely.   (give her the address and specs on the unit)  I can also open up some photos of the unit online for about 20 minutes so you can see it.  I don't like to leave them up too long because I will get tons of calls from people who think it is available since it is one of our nicest units. 

Satan:  Thank  you that would be lovely.  Can you just open them now and I will look at them tonight?

Me:  What time do you think you will look at them and I will open them up at that time,   I don't like to leave them up too long because I will get tons of calls from people who think it is available since it is one of our nicest units.

Satan: (Heavy sigh) It's fine, I guess I will just see it when I move my son in this August.  Can I just bring you his rent at the time of move in.

Me:  (now confused about the pictures online and why that was so difficult)  Well his lease started the first of this month so if you could mail June now with the lease, July at the time it is due, you can bring the August rent when he moves in so long as it is in on time.

Satan:  He isn't living there this summer, so why should I pay rent for those months?  He replaced someone on this lease isn't this rent their problem?

Me:  Well his name is on the lease as of June first so he is responsible for the rent whether he choses to stay there or not.  (I said this as politely as I could, truly.  I was so confused by this point because she was being extremely hostile, all I could do was be nice and just keep explaining things because clearly this woman wasn't understanding)

Satan:  How dare you attack me and be so rude!  My son just signed this lease, how could it have started at the beginning of this month??  I know how these things work and you are just trying to manipulate me.

Me:  Ma'm, I am not sure how you think I attacked you (my confusion is just escalating by now.)  Your sons lease began on June 1 and he owes June rent.  That is not me being rude that is fact.  And I just pulled out the actual lease and he signed it back in April.  I am sorry that he is just now giving it to you.  Do you have the copy of the lease in front of you mam?

Satan:  (screaming at his point) I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SPEAK TO ME THIS WAY.  I AM GOING TO HAVE MY ATTORNEY GET YOU FOR THIS.  THIS LEASE ISN'T EVEN BINDING.  YOU DON'T HAVE THE CO-SIGNATURE YET.  YOU CAN'T ENFORCE ANY OF THIS.  YOU ARE THE RUDEST PERSON I HAVE EVER SPOKEN TO.

Me:  Ma'm I am very confuse right now.  I don't understand what you are upset about.  (speaking as clamly as I can, and being as polite as I can because her insanity is literally scaring the shit out of me at this point)  I am only giving you the facts of the lease.  He signed it in April and I went over it all with him before he signed.  He knew his lease started in June.  I am not sure why he is just now giving it to you, you will need to ask him that.  Also, it is actually a binding contract because your son is 20.  He was not coerced in to signing.  He is not a minor.  If you will turn to the front page of the lease it has the lease term dates at the very top.  In the middle of the page it goes over when rent is due and how late fees work.  I can gladly go over it with you.

Satan: (by now completely hysterical) WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?  YOU ARE EVIL AND MEAN AND YOU CAN NOT SPEAK LIKE THIS TO ME! 

Me:  Ma'm I am very confused by this conversation.  I think we may need to end it now.  If you feel you need to speak to your attorney I can give you all of my contact information and I can give you our lawyers info as well.  I want to be helpful but you are not making any sense and I am not sure what else I can do.  At no point have I attacked you, been rude, or raised my voice.  You are the one yelling and calling me names.  If you would like to calm down and call me back I can gladly help you to understand the lease and all of the rent due dates. 

SATAN: (screaming the loudest she has screamed so far)YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT ATTACK ME AND YELL AT ME SINCE YOU CALLED ME.  I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU EVEN CALLED ME IF THIS IS ALL YOU ARE GOING TO DO (remember I was returning her call)YOU WILL PROBABLY NEXT TELL ME YOU EXPECT ME TO PAY A LATE FEE.  THIS IS SO UNLAWFUL.  I AM GOING TO MAKE YOU REGRET HOW RUDE YOU HAVE BEEN TO ME.  I AM CALLING MY ATTORNEY AND MY HUSBAND AS SOON AS WE HANG UP!

Me: Ma'm I am getting off the phone now.  I do not understand any of this. 

SATAN: YOU CAN NOT HANG UP ON ME!!!!  THIS TREATMENT IS RIDICULOUS!!!  YOU WILL BE HEARING FROM MY ATTORNEY IN THE NEAR FUTURE.

At this point Satan slams down the phone and I am left speechless.  I checked with my book keeper who was in her office to make sure she had heard the conversation so that I had proof that I had never raised my voice, attacked her, or called her a name.  Thank God I will have back up. This was quite possible the craziest conversation I have had since I started working here.  And I have had some crazy talks.