Actual and Factual

This morning a tenant texted and asked if we could change his smoke detector battery.  This is a service we provide for some of our tenants as some of the devices are up really high.  They just need to provide the battery. Here is how the conversation went.  Verbatim. We shall call him Fratboy Bob.

Fratboy Bob: Can you send someone to change my smoke detector battery?  It has been chirping for days.
Me: Absolutely.  Just leave the battery on the kitchen counter.
Fratboy Bob:  If I could reach the battery I wouldn't need you to come.
Me: (I will not call him a moron.... I will not call him a moron) I mean the new battery.
Fratboy Bob:  What new battery?
Me:  (ummmmmmmm) The battery for your smoke detector.
Fratboy Bob: I don't have a battery.
Me:  Just let me know when you have it, and I will send one of our guys.
Fratboy Bob:  Why do I have to get the battery? 
Me:  You are responsible for that.  We just change it as a courtesy because they are so high up.
Fratboy Bob:  That's f*&%# ridiculous.

I stay silent.  No point in texting back at this point.  I just let him stew on the fact that he actually has to provide something for himself for a few minutes.  I knew he would be back.

Fratboy Bob:  I have a battery here. I found one in a drawer.
Me: A 9volt?
Fratboy Bob: No.  It is a AAA.
Me: Well it needs a 9volt.
Fratboy Bob:  What the f*&%??????  Why can't you just use this one?  It is brand new.
Me: Because it takes a 9volt. 
Fratboy Bob:  So you expect me to just go spend money on a stupid f*&^ing battery because you want to make even more money off us??????
Me: Well we don't make any money off you buying a battery at the store.  And the smoke detectors are there for your safety.
Fratboy Bob:  This place is insane. 
Me: Just le me know when you have it and I will get my guys up there.
Fratboy Bob: F*&$ off.

I have a conversation like this about twice a year.  They are shocked they have to buy their own batteries and light bulbs. Oh the horror.  And I am a big mean lady for not just giving them free things.  And apparently I am now making money off things they buy at the grocery store.  Well I need to call the local store and find out where the heck my check is.