Round one over

38 units inspected.  May move out inspections completed.  Still fairly surprised.  Maybe all of my getting on to them finally got through to them.  Doubtful.  But possible.  I did have a super fun parent today who demanded to know how much his son was getting back as I was doing the inspection.  After repeatedly trying to explain to him that I won't know until I process everything I just started giving a blank silent stare.  He left pretty angry.  But the point is he left.  :-)   I might try the silent thing more often.  I can only repeat the same stuff so many times. 

Now to prep 38 apartments in 5 days.  Should be super fun.   Can't wait to see what awesome things we find that were hidden.  There is always something. . .

Spare me. Please.

12 hours and then some. I'm freaking exhausted. But I only was called names once today. Shocking.  Still have about 13 more units tomorrow. My feet hurt. I hate everyone. And even without name calling most of them were rude. 

Here's the deal children: You do your part and clean up your own mess and don't behave like privileged, entitled, dipshits and things will go much better for you in life. Trust me. 

Move out day!

I am heading out of my office to begin the craziness that is move out day.  I will walk through and inspect about 40 apartments in the next 2 days.  Most of them happening today.  Don't get too excited, but I take pictures.  I am hoping and praying that nothing too interesting happens, but we shall see. . .

Thank you notes

Today a thoughtful tenant, who has owed us money for almost a year, kindly included a congratulatory thank you note with his check. The check he only sent because our lawyer contacted him.

I understand all of his anger since we made them pay for the apartment they destroyed. We truly are bastards. And I must have skipped the day in ethics where they taught us the part about how we shouldn't expect payment in a timely manor when it's owed. Damn it. This must be the whole problem.

I also gave he and his room mates a break if they would pay quickly. Unappreciative, entitled little jerks. I like the part we he basically admits his parents pay his bills. You know because we are stealing poor college kids parents money. Not his money. The urge to scream is strong.

Back at work. Yuck.

Well it was a lovely weekend.  Almost all of the tenants have either moved out or were of town somewhere getting hammered and destroying someone else's property.  So all was quiet here, which allowed for a nice little break.  Three days with friends and family is my idea of perfection.  But, alas,  I had to return to Idiotville today.  God for bid I get to enjoy more than two days off in a row. 

Two of my favorite calls today in the midst of the insanity that always happens right before move outs start (round one of lease's ending starts tomorrow) were the following.

One is from a dad who we shall call Redneck Pete.  Pete is upset that his daughters lease (that she signed last December during pre-leasing) doesn't begin until the 3rd.  Apparently he is just now reading the lease that he co-signed and decided to wait until the week before it begins.  He says that the 3rd falls on a Tuesday and surely I have lots of upset people since it isn't on a weekend.  Why can't it just be the first?? 

I explained that all our leases begin on the 3rd of a month and end on the 28th of a month.  It gives us 5 days or so to flip the units for the next tenants. 

He is still upset since I don't seem to understand that the 3rd is on a Tuesday.  People have to work.  I explain that I can't control what day of the week any particular day falls on.  He assures me that if our leases just started on the first then people could move in on the weekends and that would be easier.  I am still not sure how to explain to him that the first can and actually has fallen on a week day before and no matter what the date is that a lease starts there is always the potential for it to be on a weekday.  He told me I must just be too dumb to understand what he was saying.  Sure.  That was the problem. 

Second favorite call of the day is from a mom who says her son has already moved out and she will be needing his deposit back now.  Can she just stop by the office and pick it up?  Ummmm..... no.  There are still two people living there and his lease isn't even up until tomorrow.  I will need to do the inspection on the loft before I can refund anything.  And your son and his friends have multiple fines and fees on their account that will have to come out of the deposit before I can refund anything.  She assures me she will not be paying for anything that he and his friends did while they were living there.  I tell her that is fine, I will take what I can from the deposit, if it is more than that I will send her a bill.  She can make her own choices from there, since she is a co-signer and if we had to go to court she would be included in the case.  She again assures me that I won't see a dime and she is demanding his deposit back in full.  I should just say "ok. Here is all his money.  No it is ok that he always paid rent late, and we totally don't mind that he had a dog that he paid no pet deposit on, and we love that we have to replace two doors and all the blinds in the apartment.  We would love for that to just be on us.  Really.  I think that we would really be teaching him a valuable lesson by rewarding his idiocy."  Sadly, she would probably agree.   

I can't wait for the 80 million phone calls that will come in all summer when people don't like what they get back from their deposit.  Even if they get back 80% of it they just aren't happy.  They think we should just cover the cost of everything they do.  Yet another fine lesson from parents.  Who in all reality will probably be the ones calling and complaining.  Effing enablers.

Flashback #2

So last fall I received on of my favorite calls ever.  A tenant, male about age 20 who we will call Bob, calls to tell me his hot water heater has stopped working.  Perfectly normal call you would think, but as always, my genius tenant kept it interesting.  Here is the basic conversation:.

Bob:  My water furnace has stopped working.
Me: Your what?
Bob: My water furnace.  You know the thing that heats my water. (said as rudely as possible)
Me: Oh, Your water heater? (said as nicely as I could handle without actually just laughing out loud at him)
Bob: Sure, whatever, my water heater.
Me:  I can put in a work order but since it is the weekend I am not sure how long it will take me to get some one there.
Bob: Well I need some one to come right now.  I called my brother and he says the pie light is most likely out and I think there is gas leaking into my loft and I'm worried that it is dangerous.
Me:  (After putting the phone on mute so I could get a grip from the laughter) Well I think you mean pilot light not pie light.  And your water heater is actually electric so there would not be gas leaking out.  I am guessing you have just thrown a breaker and if  I could walk you through it, you could probably reset it yourself.  I will still put in a work order and have it checked out, but I could at least get you some hot water in the mean time.
Bob:  Look, I understand how these things work. You will not trick me into thinking there is not gas in my loft.  This is dangerous.  I am going to call the authorities and tell them you are allowing us to live in a dangerous environment.
Me:  I can give you the number for city utilities if you would like to call them and tell them your electric water heater is leaking gas.  You can call me back after you call them I can gladly walk you through how to check the breakers.
Bob:  I am not touching the electricity box.  I am not getting electrocuted. 
Me:  You will not get electrocuted but checking the breaker box. 
Bob:  Why can't you just send someone to deal with this??  I pay a lot of money to live here and this is ridiculous.  (He was behind on rent and had insane amounts of late fees, and fines from trashing the building during an obnoxious party)
Me:  I said I would put in a work order I was just trying to help you get it resolved quicker.
Bob:  I really feel like I should just contact my attorney.  This is ridiculous that you won't fix it.
Me: Again, I said I could put in a work order, but it is Saturday.  And cold water isn't an emergency so I am not sure how long you would have to wait for someone to get there. 
Bob:  I want it fixed within the hour or I am calling my dad.  (again this is a 20 year old male)
Me: Please call him and give him my number. I would love to talk to you dad about the pie light on your water furnace.  (by this time I had put on my shoes and left to drive down to the apartment to flip the breaker for him)
Bob:  Are you mocking me.
Me: Of course not I am just trying to help you understand that you can fix it yourself very easily without waiting for someone to come.
Bob: F*&k you.  (hangs up phone)

2 minutes later as I am driving to the apartment he calls back

Bob:  I just wanted you to know I have left a message with the gas department.  I think you should be expecting their call (they called, we laughed)
Me:  I will gladly speak to them when they call (by this time I am being as overly nice as I can just to irritate him) Also, I am on my way to your apartment to fix the issue myself so that you don't have to wait for hot water. 
Bob:  I don't want you to come.  I want you to do your f*&king job and call a professional.
Me:  It is me or it could be until Monday. 
Bob:  This place is a sham.  (hangs up)

I arrive to the apartment.  I knock, no one answers so I let myself in.  They are just sitting on the couch watching TV. 

Me:  I am going to fix your water heater. 
Bob:  If you ruin anything you will f*&king pay for it.
Me:  I believe the response you were looking for was 'thank you for getting out on a Saturday to fix something I could have fixed myself'
Bob: You are such a bitch.
Me:  I try

I open the closet with the breaker box and none of them have tripped.  I open the closet with the water heater in it and try to call him over to show him where the water heater has it's own second breaker separate from the main box.  He refuses to come because he doesn't want to breath in all the gas the electric water furnace is leaking from the pie light. 

I flip the breaker, the water heater kicks on.  I let them know they are back in business.  He flips me off.  5 minutes later his dad calls and I basically have the same convo with his dad about gas leaking into the loft.  I explain to the dad the water heater is electric and after a minute of silence, his dad says:  My son is a moron.  I hope he wasn't too rude.  Me: nothing I can't handle.  Have a nice day.

This was about 3 months after I started working for this company.  I was 90% sure I was getting punked.  Turns out this kid really was that dumb.  Oh how I fear for our futures.

A suprisingly not terrible day

I actually managed to get quite a bit of work done with very little insanity.  I am just not sure what to do with myself.  Wait. . . the phone is ringing.  Let's see what craziness they have in store . . .

Well that was weird.  Someone wanting to know if they can pay their rent early for next month.  So rarely hear that kind of responsibility out of my tenants I barely knew what to say.  I think I am going to go home, clean my house, then kick up my feet and enjoy a nice glass of wine.  Let's hope my children are on board with this day of good behavior. Maybe I should start a different blog about the insane things my kids say.  It wouldn't be nearly as funny because they are smarter than most of the college kids.  I better just stick to idiots being idiots. 

If it stays this quiet for the rest of the week, I will dig up some fun pictures of past idiocy and share them with you.  Wait for it.